Bring in on Hollywood. I’m ready for you.

Bring in on Hollywood. I’m ready for you.

Kimbuh, Hollywood is nothing like SC and I’ve been to both. That place will eat you up and spit you up faster than you can say, “The south shall rise again.”

Joey’s hair is here. Seriously, the hair is bad. With all that hair time when do you have time for the gym? That much protein makes for some stinky situations. For me anyway.

Mel’s Diner!!! Love that place. Have some fries, Joey! No carbs for you? Oh. Did they clear the place out for them because every time I drive by the place it’s BUSY? It must be about 6 in the morning. The Chateau. Yeah, I’ve been there. Sure I have. With Lindsay.

Liars! Those palm trees weren’t on the strip. It looks more like the west end of Hollywood Blvd. near Fairfax. Nice use of camera angles to hide those hideous antennas just above the Hollywood sign. Ollywoo!

Sarah’s cute. But she’s twenty and just graduated from college. Fast track! I mean, she’s not even old enough to buy wine. I think Dave and her will totally bone. Look out though. Her boyfriend will hunt you down. Just hop that plane and fly in all the way in NY.

Let’s put Will on the street hocking CD’s for five minutes to get footage and to wait for Biranna’s weave to settle. Ahh…I love Jimmy Kimmell. Where’s Spiderman? We looked for him for hours one day only to find the bad Spiderman. We don’t like him. Finally! There she is. The lipstick is as fucked up as that hair. Well, she looks like a stripper. She’s totally gonna pole dance with Dr. Will-y.

Joey and Kimberly were driving around for how long? From Mel’s to Grower isn’t miles and miles. It should take them 30 minutes at the most. The sun has already set but the sky was totally lit up just a few minutes ago. I mean, it may not have been six in the morning but it definitely wasn’t six in the evening. Did they stop at Girls Girls Girls on the way? Right, they had to get footage. So they WERE on the west end of Hollywood Blvd.

The fish tank!!! I love the fish. They’re usually more interesting than the cast.

Wow, she IS from South Carolina. Twit.

Surreal? Overused words suck!

Yay! More people. Hi, nice to meet you. Oh. Nice. Nice. Nice.

Greg! Finally, the douche of the season is here. He’s so damn cool it’s sick. Ass! No…ASSociate.

Drinking time! Yessss. I can’t wait to see what…well that was lame. It was all for product placement.

Back to Greg and his ASSociates. Is he the greatest or am I just delusional. We should totally hang out, Greg. Call me!

Bobby, oh Bobby. Wait! She IS a stripper? I totally saw that coming. Anyway, Bobby is an associate too. He should be on the cast.

Greg is completely right. You’re in Hollywood and there’s nobody there? Where are you anyway? That not even on Hollywood Blvd. I saw no stars on the sidewalk. Didn’t they say they were going to Hollywood Blvd? Liars! That place isn’t on Hollywood. Okay, maybe it’s a side street. But couldn’t they just go to Big Wang’s or something.

Icky!!! She’s a stripper. Shut up, Will. Love how he just jumped off that shit. She’s fug anyway.

First confessional. They are all completely lying. Mad cool? I fucking hate that damn expression. It reminds me of that douche that got his lights punched out from Austin. Yeah, yeah. His mom died during the show. He’s still a douche. Greg isn’t nice? How insightful!

Arrested for assault. You? No! Jail. Fugitive. And of course another commercial break.

She’s talking to the ex and he’s an ass! So anyway. Why did she call him? Suuuure you’re not a dumb whore. Here’s a test. Did you date this douche named Bobby? In my opinion, that pretty much throws dumb into the mix. Calling him also seems a bit dim.

Sarah want’s some brown sugar. And now that he’s off the Brianna train he’s totally yours. She’s a little ho deep down.

Basque? Huh. Oh no! A line at a club? In Hollywood? That never happens and you should leave. I think he’s on his way to West Hollywood. The Abbey, maybe.

Are they really gonna hook up? They go back and fourth too much. He’s totally taking advantage of her naive ass.

Joey and Greg need to throw down. Can they just get rid of the sexual tension already and both go to the Abbey. Greg, Greg, Greg. Is this guy for real? He’s just completely stupid, vapid and stupid. Did I say stupid already? Oh, sorry.

Wow, how did this happen? I went from being annoyed by Brianna to actually liking her. And Sarah isn’t as cute as she was at the beginning. Greg is fat in the middle and he looks like his breath stinks. HORSE by yourself is fun!

“This season on the…” They smile and fight and drink and fight and hook up and drink and cry and kiss someone’s associate female and drink and go stripping and drink and score some drugs on Hollywood and get booted off the show and drink and fight.

So it was a good premiere. I love the opening sequence before the show started. All the sights, Hef and his girls, the red carpet, El Capitan... This season better not suck as bad as the last 3. Damn Austiwestralia asses. One question. Why does mtv act like there are no additions to the cast? Two people leave and get replaced. We already know. Put their asses in the previews and trailer. We know already!

Brain Cells Hold Tight, RW: Hollywood Is Tonight

There was once a time when I would just sit for an entire week anticipating the next episode of The Real World. Now I just can’t take the loss of brain cells. This past season (Sydney) I watched about 15 minutes of the premiere and came to the sudden and accurate conclusion that I don’t care about what happens to these seven (eight) strangers. It was up until mid Las Vegas that I began to not really care much about these people. I had only missed one episode until then and it was way back in season one. Yes, I sat through the entire London season. Mmmm – Jacinda. Austin (how did these twits win the favorite season award) pretty much ruined it all for me. Key West happened? Denver was okay from what I saw, but I saw about two episodes and couldn’t stand seeing Cowlie cry or Brooke raise the level of hypocrisy by calling everyone else crazy. Mirror?
This time we return to the L.A. area with RW: Hollywood. How exciting! I actually went there some time back during and after filming. Didn’t see anything of course. On the corner of Grower and Sunset they put in an entire little strip mall just for the occasion. Of course, there’s a Starbucks on the very corner with some douche working behind the counter - per usual. “I said soy. People do have allergies, you twit.” I had to go back to the counter and have them remake my son’s chocolate milk. Across the street are the filming studios appropriately named Stage 1…Stage 15, etc. So they nick named the season Stage 20. Get it? Unfortunately, I do. Took a lot of imagination for that one.
I really know nothing about the lucky seven (Shhh…there are actually nine) of this season. Just looked at their pictures and read the beginning of their bio on mtv.com. I could have clicked the “more” button after the … but what’s the point really. I’ll just make up my own shit. It’s more exciting that way. So here it goes.

Joey – Ryan Cabrera’s hair is back and it’s taking steroids. Detox that shit! Next stop, Celebrity Rehab. Please explain to me why this dude combs the sides of his hair forward like the dude from the Tekken series. His mtv bio states that he has never ventured outside the state of Illinois. He’s 24 so my guess is that his parole ended just in time to move into the house. My, what timing!

Brianna – The hair. Really? Because…NO! It’s big, fake and it comes with a complimentary stripper pole. Don’t disrespect this little chicka because she’s got that all taken care of. Disrespecting herself, that is. Hopefully Oprah will come in and give this firecracker a makeover.

Greg – People voted for you? What people would ever do that? Let me tell you something, peasant dude, the world doesn’t owe you shit. When you finally figure that out, give Stephen from RW: Seattle a call. They’re always looking for some help at his ministry in L.A..

Kimberly – Is this American Idol? She looks like that one chick that sang that one song that got her booted during that one season that had two other chicks that looked just like her. Or was that on the season after that? Who knows? Kimberly, I expect a lot of nothing from you. Please don’t disappoint.

Dave – Landon? Davis? Lanvis! I don’t have much of a first impression of this dude. Hopefully he’s funny because nobody funny has come out of BMP lately. Wait, there’s Evan from Fresh…never mind.

Sarah – Another Sarah? How am I supposed to keep this straight? I’ll just call you the Devil. Devil…conservative. Is there any difference? Compassionate conservative? Ahhhh – got it.

Will – Two black dudes? How exciting! I haven’t seen that since Denver. Wait. Did I watch Denver? There were two black dudes on there, right? Tyrie and, and… See, I don’t even know their names anymore.

So hopefully this season is worth watching. The only way I can see myself dedicating some time to this show once again is to actually start a review blog about the show.
First entry. Let’s see if there are more to follow. Will I watch tonight’s premiere? Probably. I have DVR.