There was once a time when I would just sit for an entire week anticipating the next episode of The Real World. Now I just can’t take the loss of brain cells. This past season (Sydney) I watched about 15 minutes of the premiere and came to the sudden and accurate conclusion that I don’t care about what happens to these seven (eight) strangers. It was up until mid Las Vegas that I began to not really care much about these people. I had only missed one episode until then and it was way back in season one. Yes, I sat through the entire London season. Mmmm – Jacinda. Austin (how did these twits win the favorite season award) pretty much ruined it all for me. Key West happened? Denver was okay from what I saw, but I saw about two episodes and couldn’t stand seeing Cowlie cry or Brooke raise the level of hypocrisy by calling everyone else crazy. Mirror?
This time we return to the L.A. area with RW: Hollywood. How exciting! I actually went there some time back during and after filming. Didn’t see anything of course. On the corner of Grower and Sunset they put in an entire little strip mall just for the occasion. Of course, there’s a Starbucks on the very corner with some douche working behind the counter - per usual. “I said soy. People do have allergies, you twit.” I had to go back to the counter and have them remake my son’s chocolate milk. Across the street are the filming studios appropriately named Stage 1…Stage 15, etc. So they nick named the season Stage 20. Get it? Unfortunately, I do. Took a lot of imagination for that one.
I really know nothing about the lucky seven (Shhh…there are actually nine) of this season. Just looked at their pictures and read the beginning of their bio on mtv.com. I could have clicked the “more” button after the … but what’s the point really. I’ll just make up my own shit. It’s more exciting that way. So here it goes.
Joey – Ryan Cabrera’s hair is back and it’s taking steroids. Detox that shit! Next stop, Celebrity Rehab. Please explain to me why this dude combs the sides of his hair forward like the dude from the Tekken series. His mtv bio states that he has never ventured outside the state of Illinois. He’s 24 so my guess is that his parole ended just in time to move into the house. My, what timing!
Brianna – The hair. Really? Because…NO! It’s big, fake and it comes with a complimentary stripper pole. Don’t disrespect this little chicka because she’s got that all taken care of. Disrespecting herself, that is. Hopefully Oprah will come in and give this firecracker a makeover.
Greg – People voted for you? What people would ever do that? Let me tell you something, peasant dude, the world doesn’t owe you shit. When you finally figure that out, give Stephen from RW: Seattle a call. They’re always looking for some help at his ministry in L.A..
Kimberly – Is this American Idol? She looks like that one chick that sang that one song that got her booted during that one season that had two other chicks that looked just like her. Or was that on the season after that? Who knows? Kimberly, I expect a lot of nothing from you. Please don’t disappoint.
Dave – Landon? Davis? Lanvis! I don’t have much of a first impression of this dude. Hopefully he’s funny because nobody funny has come out of BMP lately. Wait, there’s Evan from Fresh…never mind.
Sarah – Another Sarah? How am I supposed to keep this straight? I’ll just call you the Devil. Devil…conservative. Is there any difference? Compassionate conservative? Ahhhh – got it.
Will – Two black dudes? How exciting! I haven’t seen that since Denver. Wait. Did I watch Denver? There were two black dudes on there, right? Tyrie and, and… See, I don’t even know their names anymore.
So hopefully this season is worth watching. The only way I can see myself dedicating some time to this show once again is to actually start a review blog about the show.
First entry. Let’s see if there are more to follow. Will I watch tonight’s premiere? Probably. I have DVR.
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